"WORD BABIES"

 

I never considered writing to be liberating, even though I felt that whenever I had an opportunity, I just couldn't admit that writing leads to freedom. 

In the rare moments when I was able to express my ideas on paper, I felt as if I had given birth to word babies. However, as soon as a third person looked down upon them or criticized them, I abandoned my babies. I felt that they were not enough, just like others felt, which, of course, no mother should have done. I was a cruel mother. After so many abandonments, I decided no more babies. Why? Not because I didn't want to, but because I felt my babies were not good enough. 

Was that true? Well, one thing is for sure: they were not fancy and errorless. Anyone with basic language skills could find at least a pair of grammatical errors. But one thing is certain: my babies carried all the love I had, and they were always soulful, straight from the heart. Yet, I chose to abandon them because of poor external validation, which, again, I admit I shouldn't have done.

There is a saying in my language, "kaakayk than kunju pon kunju," which means "all your geese are swans." It should have been that way for an organism higher on the evolutionary chain - ME.

So, after years of being afraid of external validation, today, as the monsoon is picking up its pace, a human being is trying to pick herself and her babies up again, hoping to "live happily ever after."